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Thursday, October 9, 2014

Emotionally Attractive=Friendly & Kind

Being emotionally attractive is an inside job requiring self-evaluation of traits that define your inner core. Today, I’ll discuss what it means to be friendly and kind to others and how they respond favorably to the gestures we give. A great example to illustrate my point is when we get on an elevator where everyone intensely stairs at the numbers above the door to avoid making eye contact. These trapped people try to pretend they don’t see us, which often causes discomfort. Why do we do this? What are we afraid of? It’s feels rude and awkward to me so in my quest to be friendly and kind, each time I get onto an elevator I immediately greet people with a smile or I’ll ask them to press the floor button for me. Because I’ve broken the ice, others feel safer and can find it easier to relax. “What a relief she can see me.” That’s what friendly and kindness are all about: taking that first step, making that first move, removing the burden and lifting discomfort. To date, I haven’t found one person who didn’t appreciate my gesture but even if I did it’s on them for not being able to relax. The truth is you made the effort and most will be grateful. Once I bought a house and the neighbors were quick to let me know there was a mean woman living next door to me. I decided that I would kill her with kindness. Every time I saw her drive by my house, I vigorously waved and smiled without so much as an acknowledgment. After months of being ignored, this neighbor finally waved slightly but turned away quickly. I was hopeful so I continued waving and smiling. Eventually, she began to wave back and from time-to-time not only did she not grimace she often returned a pleasant gesture. Although she rarely got along with anyone else, she and I had a respectful understanding. It’s hard to be mean and angry all the time when someone extends their kindness. The objective then is not to expect anything back immediately but rather from the heart because we have it to give.  In any relationship whether it is a neighbor, coworker or partner, being friendly and kind matter and the emotional attraction wins out because even if the person it is intended for doesn’t notice, someone else more deserving will.

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